Seven of Nine hurried into the cargo bay; fear a companion that snapped voraciously at her heels. At the same time she was irritated by her dread. Reading Captain Janeway’s personal logs wasn’t something new to her and she was aware that familiarity should not breed apprehension. Then again, she had never been caught before.

There was no question that someone had accessed Janeway’s personal files at the same time that Seven was routinely indulging her curiosity. It was reasonable to assume that the someone in question must be Captain Janeway herself. Seven hadn’t waited to find out. She quickly entered an algorithm designed to cover her tracks and logged off the Astrometrics console. The algorithm was flawless; she’d used it many times but always after she had gained the information she desired. Not so in this case. Captain Janeway must have known she was there and it would be a simple matter to verify that the intrusion originated from deck eight, Astrometrics, even in the fractional moment before Seven terminated the link.

Why, then, hadn’t the captain ordered her to report to the ready room? Perhaps she was deciding upon a unique form of punishment. Seven thrilled as she contemplated the possibilities that discipline could take before she resolutely pushed such images away. She’d been spending far too much time in Voyager’s cultural database on sexuality, fantasizing about trying some of the featured techniques with the captain. It was exactly those fantasies that had caused the recent privacy violations into the other woman’s personal files. Seven simply had to know if the captain ever considered her in a romantic light…and now she was in trouble because of it.

Seven frowned and considered her actions while she waited for the captain’s summons. Six months ago she would have attributed her behavior to idle curiosity, a way to see more clearly what her only true friend was thinking. Even after two years interpersonal relations completely mystified her. But something significant had recently changed. She had begun to dream while regenerating.

An occasional dream was normal but generally regeneration wasn’t conducive to such nocturnal activity. Now she experienced disturbing images each time she entered a cycle; disturbing but undeniably, unbelievably erotic. She’d begun to look forward to them as the focus of the nocturnal images was always the same. Kathryn Janeway.

In each of them the dynamic woman was partially clothed, stretched out and burning for Seven’s touch; writhing and begging for release, open and vulnerable. Seven had started to avoid direct contact with the captain for fear she would be unable to resist the urge to touch. That was when the trouble began.

Seven was intelligent enough to know she couldn’t discuss her yearning with the captain. Janeway would be incensed to discover this privacy breach. She couldn’t discuss the emotions, the desperate need to be intimate with the other woman. Even if she didn’t become furious, the captain would attribute Seven’s emotions to that of a juvenile infatuation of a pupil for mentor and only pity her. That would be worse than the justifiable anger from discovering she had read Janeway’s personal logs and after which the captain would never believe Seven truly loved her.

"Janeway to Seven of Nine."

The moment had arrived. Now her feelings wouldn’t matter. She would be punished for her behavior and rightly so. Fully prepared to face the consequences of her actions her voice was still unsteady.

"Seven of Nine here, Captain."

"Report to the ready room at once."

The captain’s voice did not sound angry. Once again she had surprised Seven by her self-restraint.

"Understood."

A few moments later Seven assumed her typical Borg at ease stance in front of Captain Janeway’s desk. Her eyes were pinned directly to the bulkhead over the smaller woman’s head and she refused to look down. She couldn’t bear the thought of seeing disappointment in Janeway’s eyes and silently braced herself for what she knew was going to occur. Moments ago she had thrilled to the idea of discipline imposed from this dynamic woman, but now she wasn’t so sure. Pain was nothing that appealed to her; just the thought of Janeway being dissatisfied with her hurt enough.

"Seven," The captain hesitated as though not quite sure how to broach the subject. Then she took a deep breath and began again. "There is a small asteroid a few parsecs distant that scans indicate contains pockets of deuterium. "

Seven frowned in confusion. This was not what she had expected and she opened her mouth to speak but the captain interrupted with an upraised hand.

"I know what you’re going to say. I know you and Lieutenant Torres don’t exactly…get along, but you’re just going to have to deal with it. You are both officers aboard this ship and I expect you to behave professionally. You’ll report to the shuttle bay in twenty minutes and take the Delta Flyer. The deuterium is very near the surface so I don’t see the need to send along more personnel, but I do expect you to behave in a civilized manner. Is that clear?"

Completely confused, Seven could only respond, "Yes, Captain."

"Good. See you when you get back."

Seven had turned to leave the ready room, but was surprised when she was forestalled.

"Oh, and Seven?"

Now she’ll say it, Seven thought.

"Think about what you want for Christmas while you’re away."

"Christmas?"

"Yes. The celebration is in two days and you still haven’t told me what you want. Let me know soon, hmm?"

Seven nodded once and left the captain alone in her ready room. She was completely confounded by the other woman’s behavior and mystified that the breach of etiquette hadn’t been raised.

y

Seven of Nine sat at the science console of the Delta Flyer. Lieutenant Torres commanded the helm and piloted the small vessel through the blackness of space. Seven was still perplexed at being sent on a two-man deuterium drilling mission. Captain Janeway hadn’t mentioned the foray into her personal logs and Seven was beginning to wonder if there had been another intruder instead of the author of those logs or if her presence simply hadn’t been noted.

"Our landing site is approximately two hundred kilometers away near the planetoid’s equatorial region."

"Great," B’Elanna replied turning helm control over to the Borg. "I’ll get the equipment ready. Try to set down somewhere nice. I hate being cold so someplace temperate would be just what the doctor ordered."

Seven doubted the doctor had given any such order, but obeyed the engineer and strove to find a suitable location. Klingons did not function well in the cold and the sooner they got this over with the sooner they could return to Voyager. Seven had been perplexed by the captain’s behavior but she had identified a way to relieve her curiosity. Unfortunately it was the same course of action that had landed her in this situation to begin with. She could access the captain’s personal log and see if there was any mention of her indiscretion or how Janeway planned to deal with the affront.

The landing went smoothly and B’Elanna was pleased with the lush green forest Seven selected. The air was fresh and clean and the temperature just warm enough for the Klingon to remove her uniform jacket. The gray tank top clung to the muscled physique and Seven could honestly say the woman was second only to Kathryn Janeway in attractiveness. Three hours later they had procured enough deuterium to keep the ship’s systems going for several months, but darkness was fast approaching. Seven was all for heading back to Voyager posthaste, but the Klingon engineer disagreed.

"Sorry, Seven, but I’m in charge of this away mission and we’re spending the night here."

"For what possible reason? We have the deuterium for which we came."

"True, but better safe than sorry. Why not have a surplus? We’ll pick up a little more in the morning and then head back."

"I do not agree with your decision." Seven was in a hurry to delve into the computer mainframe and wasn’t pleased with how things were going.

"Yeah, well, I outrank you and that’s just the way it is."

"I do not have a rank."

"I guess you just proved my point."

Torres said nothing further and headed for the aft section of the shuttle. A few minutes later Seven heard the sonic shower kick on and could only fume in silent frustration. With nothing further to do about it, she logged onto the computer and began her mission report. It was rather lengthy since Seven left no detail unaccounted. She heard the shower shut off and Lieutenant Torres moving around in the rear section. Finally she heard the loud, reverberating snore of an exhausted Klingon and realized she was truly alone since the start of this mission. With B’Elanna sleeping so soundly there was no chance of being caught and Seven could indulge her curiosity without further ado. Quickly bypassing the built-in security protocols, she accessed the cultural data base on sexual practices and began reading where she had left off.

This particular section dealt with restraints. Soft restraints were encouraged, in fact fur-lined cuffs were said to be ideal. Seven wondered how Kathryn would feel about the silky texture, if it would arouse her or if she would prefer something else. There was so much she simply didn’t know, but she felt if anyone could tutor her it was Kathryn Janeway.

Thinking of the captain reminded her that she still didn’t know if her secret had been discovered. Seven switched over to the crew logs and isolated those belonging to her captain. She had no interest in the duty log and targeted those more personal, as she always did.

Seconds later she was reading about the captain’s day. Here Kathryn recounted every private doubt she couldn’t afford to show to her crew. She extolled her hopes and dreams and Seven was always riveted by every word. This time the entry was rather routine. Nothing and no one was currently harassing the ship and there was nothing untoward. Seven found no mention of her prior intrusion and by all accounts her forays had been undiscovered.

She was so engrossed in her reading that she didn’t hear anything; her entire attention was focused on the words that covered the screen. When a small, warm hand unexpectedly rested on her shoulder Seven’s reaction was extreme and completely out of character. She yelped in guilty surprise and shoved violently away from the computer terminal. She had never realized how quiet a Klingon could be but didn’t know why it should surprise her. They were known for being great warriors, after all.

B’Elanna, equally as surprised by the Borg’s unBorg-like response, leapt away with a small shout of her own. Her eyes bugged out and she struck her head soundly on the port bulkhead.

"What the hell?" she asked rubbing the sore place on her cranium. Then she saw what was on the computer screen and forgot about the small bump. "What the hell are you doing reading the captain’s personal logs? Do you have a death wish?"

"I…I…" Seven swallowed audibly and tried again. "I was just… It is not what you think, I…"

The behavior was completely out of character for the composed, generally icy persona Seven tended to display. A light bulb went off in B’Elanna’s head and she realized what had been right in front of her all along.

"Oh my God! You’re in love with Captain Janeway!"

The engineer had never seen the Borg blush before, since usually they couldn’t, and found it quite an entertaining sight. It wasn’t nearly so entertaining as watching Seven squirming as she sought a way out of the conundrum in which she was firmly ensconced.

Then Seven began to babble as all of the emotions and desires in her heart and head surged out. She had been keeping all of these things deeply buried and here was a chance to free herself of the burden. B’Elanna wasn’t sure Seven could have stopped if she wanted to.

"I didn’t know what else to do. I have loved Captain Janeway for so long but there has never been a reciprocal response on her part. I began to research ways in which I could become an adequate… more than adequate lover, one she would wish to be with and the database tells me that bondage and restraints are extremely arousing, but I do not know how to engage the captain in such activities. If I could gather any information on how to proceed from these logs I would know how to make her desire me as I do her."

"Bondage? Restraints? Whoa! I think you need to hit the braking thrusters, girl. Captain Janeway isn’t into stuff like that. Where’d you get that from?"

"Here," Seven responded as if it should be obvious, and accessed the previously read files. "It is all contained here in Voyager’s cultural database."

B’Elanna chuckled as she read the first few lines. "Seven, what part of the word aberrant do you not get?"

"I do not understand."

There was just enough of a whine in the Borg’s voice to convince B’Elanna that Seven was actually beginning to pout. How cute! Then she realized what she had just thought and squashed the thought entirely. She had never thought Seven cute. Arrogant, opinionated, unrelenting and completely maddening, but never cute! She made the mistake of looking into the shining blue eyes and suddenly realized just how off the mark she had been. Seven was serious about this, no surprise in that; Seven was always serious. But there was something else the Klingon had never seen before; a hint of desperation.

"Seven, I know you said you…love the captain," it was hard for B’Elanna to use Seven’s name and that word in the same sentence, but she persisted. "But how does she make you feel?"

The Borg’s eyes moved back and forth as though searching for the words that eluded her. Then her gaze moved back to the lieutenant’s and fairly pinned her in place with her response.

"People say they have seen angels but until I saw her I did not believe them. My love for her feels like the sun that warms me when I am cold. It nourishes me like the cool water of a brook on a newly born world. I want only to know the secret pleasures of her soul and delight at the opportunity to fulfill them. She is the reason for every beat of my heart. I feel no joy unless she is near. When she touches me, my eyes fill with moisture and my heart aches in my chest. I wish for her to be closer than my breath for all of my days and nights. Forever."

B’Elanna held her breath for several long moments, not sure how to respond and deeply jealous that anyone could be loved so much. Finally all she could say was, "Wow."

Her opinion of Seven had been turned on its ear. "All right. Then there’s something you should know. Kathryn Janeway is not into bondage and S&M. That particular information is a very distinct part of the sexual database. Refine your search to a more conservative approach." A sudden thought occurred to her and she asked, "Uh, does the thought of doing these things excite you, Seven?"

The young woman frowned minutely before she answered. "Not particularly. It is merely the thought of who the other participant would be that I find arousing."

Well, she was nothing if not honest. "Gee, I would have thought you’d know that Janeway wouldn’t be into anything kinky."

Seven seemed to puff up at the implied insult. "I have the cultural morays of thousands of species in my Collective memories. Not all of them are so rigid."

Torres grinned, knowing her comment was the equivalent of poking the Borg with a stick. It was almost too easy. "Let me show you another part of the database you should probably focus on. If you want to woo the captain try a little romance."

"Romance?"

"Sure. The captain is very old-fashioned and I get the feeling she’s a bit of a mush ball."

"She is not mushy! Her physique is 91.2% lean muscle mass!"

"It’s an expression, Seven." B’Elanna pulled up the information she was looking for and turned back to the other woman. "Check this stuff out and see if it isn’t a little more to your liking. I have a feeling you might learn something."

"Thank you, B’Elanna. I am grateful for your assistance…and surprised as well."

"Yeah, me too. Knowing how serious you are for the captain makes me see you in a whole new light. She deserves to be happy. So do you. Now that’s enough of the mushy stuff or I’m going to yak. I’m going back to bed."

"Sleep well, Lieutenant."

"Let me know if you have any questions." B’Elanna started to walk away, but added, "Oh, and Seven? Do yourself a favor and stay out of the captain’s logs."

The meeting in the conference room was going well. Captain Janeway had been pleased with the amount of deuterium that had been obtained and Tom Paris was already planning how he could abuse said surplus. Seven waited patiently while all departments gave their input and B’Elanna finished up the away mission report. Her eyes were fixed steadily on Janeway throughout the meeting as she considered all she had read in the information B’Elanna had suggested as well as what she knew about the captain personally. Her largest dilemma was how to approach the magnificent and somewhat intimidating woman. Finally she had realized the answer lay in the most basic of answers and something that was dear to Janeway’s heart…honesty. How many times had the captain told Seven that truthfulness was always the way to go? How many disagreements, altercations or flat out misunderstandings had Seven witnessed aboard Voyager simply because someone hadn’t been honest?

Yes that was definitely the answer.

"I’m delighted with Voyager’s current status and commend you all on a job well done."

Seven recognized that Janeway was wrapping up the meeting and suddenly felt it was very important to be honest with the captain now, before they left this room and she could lose her nerve.

"Now, if that’s all? Dismissed."

The senior staff stood and milled about as they usually did after a meeting, gathering padds or exchanging a few words. Seven had no need for these things, but she did have a very important declaration to make.

"Captain, I have considered the question you asked before we left for the away mission. I have determined what I would like for Christmas."

Kathryn turned to look at Seven expectantly. Her eyes held a warm, open friendliness as she waited to see what the request would be. Seven was dimly aware of other members of the senior staff watching her idly, but she dismissed them as insignificant.

"I would like to engage in non-reproductive copulation with you."

The entire room went dead still. Seven didn’t notice as she turned to exit the room. She had delivered the request and that was the end of it as far as she was concerned. Janeway would no doubt require time to consider her response. She never saw the fiery flush that raced up Janeway’s neck or how her mouth flopped open like a large mouth bass.

Harry and Tom started to snicker, but B’Elanna and Chakotay nudged them quickly out of the room before the chuckles could turn into a full blown belly laugh. B’Elanna was struggling with her own urge to guffaw, but didn’t think it would be very good for her career. In moments Kathryn was left alone with her chief of security and she turned to him with dismay in her expression.

Rather than respond, the Vulcan merely raised one eyebrow and intoned, "By your leave, Captain," before he left the room.

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! Kathryn had absolutely no idea what to do now. She had just been embarrassed in front of the senior staff by her Astrometrics officer declaring she wanted to have sex with her.

And what’s so bad about that; a little voice inquired.

She’s my crew member…

The same internal voice promptly blew a raspberry at her. Like you haven’t wanted her since the first time you saw her in that silver cat suit!

The imagery from that moment flashed through her mind and Kathryn remembered the scene like it had played out only moments before.

But I’m her mentor.

At that point Kathryn ceased her internal arguments. Teacher my ass. I haven’t felt like her teacher in three years. I just wish she hadn’t embarrassed me in front of the bridge crew! Oh, who cares? Seven laid it out on the line. I need to stop acting like a Starfleet automaton and act like a woman in love for once. There’s no need for gnashing of teeth, incriminations or rending of clothing. It’s time I grow a backbone and faced the truth. We both want this.

The only problem was Seven hadn’t said anything about love, only sex. Well, copulation. Kathryn wasn’t above getting involved with a member of her crew if they truly loved one another but there was no way she was going to engage in a fling. Besides this was Christmas, the time of the year more than any other when dreams were supposed to come true.

Kathryn drew a deep breath and hoped she wasn’t about to make a colossal error. As captain she couldn’t afford to do anything that would lessen her status in the eyes of her crew. She didn’t believe falling in love would do that, but having that relationship turn into a disaster might. Still, she had made her decision and she would do her best to see that they both had a shot at happiness. Providing Seven was talking about the same thing and not just a physical entanglement.

Finally Janeway realized she was merely delaying taking action. She needed to talk with Seven and see how things went from there. It was the end of alpha shift so she queried the computer as to Seven’s whereabouts. The young woman was in cargo bay two and she was alone. Janeway left the conference room and passed Commander Chakotay who was still on the bridge. She pretended not to notice his amused expression as she nodded at him and headed wordlessly for the turbo lift.

Damage control later. Right now, she needed to come up with a plan.

Kathryn slowly walked to her quarters considering what her next move should be. She passed several crewmembers that all spoke politely enough, but she still felt as though they were looking at her oddly. Chances were she was just being paranoid, but she wasn’t the type of person who revealed her private life at large. Eventually she entered her quarters and sat quietly on the sofa. For several long minutes she stared out the view port while she decided what to do next. There was still so much she didn’t know about Seven and it would break her heart if the young woman wasn’t interested in a serious relationship.

Slowly she reached up and tapped her combadge. "Janeway to Seven of Nine."

"Seven here, Captain."

"Would you join me in my cabin, Seven? I think we have some things to discuss."

Kathryn didn’t hear the reservation in her tone or realize how sad she sounded to Seven. As a result the younger woman’s response was a bit slow in coming. "Of course, Captain. I am on my way."

Kathryn sat unmoving while she waited for Seven to arrive. There was no question in her mind she had reached the right conclusion. One thing that made her a good captain was that she didn’t delude herself. She saw any given situation for what it was and faced it head on. Seven wanted a sexual encounter with an older woman. Not just anyone, it was true. She wanted it with someone she truly trusted. Kathryn wanted that encounter just as much, but she didn’t want it to be temporary; a brief excursion. She wanted forever.

Seven was too young and inexperienced to want to be tied down like that.

The door chime interrupted her thoughts and Kathryn stood as she took a deep breath. She tugged down the hem of her tunic and invited Seven in. The doors parted and then she was there. Kathryn encountered the guarded yet hopeful expression in deep blue eyes and knew this was going to be the hardest thing she’d ever done.

"Do you…want to sit down?"

"No."

Okay, typical Seven. She could do that too.

"Seven, you realize what happened in the conference room was entirely inappropriate?"

Seven frowned. "I am aware of that now. Lieutenant Torres informed me that humans prefer to keep their sexual encounters private. Does that mean you will refuse to copulate with me as a result?"

Kathryn forced herself not to react overtly though it was difficult. There was that word again. "Seven, I do not engage in…copulation with members of my crew."

"Ever?"

"Excuse me?"

"According to Voyager’s database you were marooned for twenty-nine days with Commander Chakotay on an alien world. Records further allude to a relationship with Kashyk of the Devore Imperium and…"

"Is that what this is about? You think I’m easy or something? That I’ll just sleep with anyone so why not you too?"

"That was not what I meant to imply."

Kathryn didn’t hear her; she was working up a good head of steam and had no intention of slowing down now.

"For your information I have never had a physical relationship with Commander Chakotay. I kissed Kashyk once in an effort to convince him I bought his supposed reform. As far as Jaffen is concerned, I was a victim of mind control and more importantly none of that is any of your business!"

"Captain, please…"

"So you just want to copulate with me. Gee, Seven, I’m flattered but that’s just not something I can do. For me there has to be a deeper connection; love."

"But Captain, I…"

"I know," Kathryn interrupted again, holding up one hand. "It’s not your fault you don’t love me back. We feel how we feel; we can’t help who we fall in love with. But we can damn well control what we do about it. Now I would really like it if you would go."

Kathryn’s eyes fixed on the floor as she waited for the other woman to leave. She had revealed more than intended but didn’t regret it. It was vital that Seven understand how she felt about the subject of casual sex.

"B’Elanna was correct. You prefer romance. You wish to be wooed."

"You’ve talked about this with B’Elanna? What, did she give you advice on how to nail the captain?" She couldn’t believe she’d said nail but now she was pissed. "Let me tell you something, Seven of Nine,…"

Tired of not being able to get a word in edgewise, Seven finally acted. She stepped across the room, grabbed Kathryn by her shoulders and smashed their lips together. She felt the captain tense and suck in breath through her nostrils but refused to release her. After several long seconds she felt Kathryn’s small hands rest against her shoulders. Although not exactly reciprocating, at least she was no longer resisting.

Seven chanced releasing the warm lips and leaned back slightly. She looked into Kathryn’s eyes to assure her she was sincere. "I do love you. From the time you freed me from the Collective it has always been you."

"But you said…" Kathryn’s voice drifted into nothing.

"I am unsure how to behave in these situations. I lack the necessary personal experience to properly express my emotions. Please forgive me."

Kathryn couldn’t believe this was really happening. She had been convinced that Seven couldn’t possibly want anything lasting. Maybe Christmas really was the time for miracles. She brushed her knuckles gently against Seven’s soft cheek.

"Are you sure you really love me? You’re not just saying that?"

Seven raised an eyebrow and asked, "Have I ever told you something simply because I thought it was what you wanted to hear?"

"You have a point."

Pleased that the other woman seemed eager to become intimately involved with her, Seven asked, "May we copulate now, Captain."

"It’s Kathryn, and no I don’t wish to copulate." Seven looked briefly disappointed until Janeway continued. "But making love sounds wonderful and Seven, please stop reading my personal logs."

"Yes, Kathryn."

Their lips met again and Kathryn happily tutored Seven in many marvelous things that had nothing whatever to do with bondage, submission or pain.

Christmas day Captain Janeway strolled onto the bridge. She was relaxed, smiling and looking entirely too self-satisfied. Anyone with eyes would have known what she had done the night before. Fortunately it was early and the rest of the senior staff had yet to arrive. Only Tuvok was on the bridge and he readily gave way to the captain.

"There is nothing out of the ordinary to report, Captain. Voyager is on course and we will reach the next system in approximately twenty hours. May I take this opportunity to wish you a merry Christmas?"

Although not human Tuvok did his best to observe the customs of other cultures.

"Merry Christmas to you as well, Tuvok. I have the con and I’ll see you this evening at the party."

The captain took the padd he offered and settled into her chair with her mug of coffee as the Vulcan headed for the turbo lift. He surprised her when he turned and spoke once again.

"I am pleased to see that Seven has apparently received her Christmas wish."

Janeway felt the slow burn of another furious blush begin, but then settled back in her chair knowing he was right. She merely smiled and the Vulcan walked away, but inside she was thinking, yeah, and no one else ever made the Borg scream like that.

She sat in her chair for a moment savoring the quiet before the morning rush of alpha shift and slowly sipped her coffee. Then she tapped her combadge and said, "Captain Janeway to Seven of Nine." No doubt she would have the most beautiful escort at the celebration later.

"I am here, Captain."

Janeway’s voice dropped to a low purr intended only for the younger woman’s ears. "Lunch in my quarters later?"

Absence

My love is like the sun that warms me when I am cold

And like the cool water of the brook that refreshes me

My love knows the secret pleasures of my soul,

And delights with me in fulfilling them.

Who is my love but the soul of my soul,

And the reason for every beat of my heart.

Who fills me with life in the joy of her presence,

And returns to me more than I have given.

Come to me, my love, I die without you.

Each day is eternity, waiting for your touch.

Remove the tears from my eyes and the ache in my heart.

Be closer than my breath, all my days, all my nights,

Forever.